The Truth is Not That Simple

Have you ever written something down just to get it out of your system? Have you ever finished and thought maybe you should show someone? I have. Have you ever written something that you never really intended to show anyone but you wish they would find out anyway? I have. The truth is a tricky thing sometimes. Honesty is not always that simple. Or maybe it is. Transparency terrifies me. To leave yourself exposed. To face the truth in all its piercing details and have no chance of escape but must face whatever repercussions occur.
Its odd sometimes how much the truth scares people. Scares them enough to steal, cheat, embezzle, lie, mug, murder. The truth has power and that power scares people.
But for something as non-life threatening as this, you would think the truth would be easy. But it isn't. I don't know what i am going to do.

I've heard someone say it is never bad to tell someone how you feel, but i don't know if i agree with him.

Am i crazy? Yes. No.

I spend so much time talking to myself. Not just talking but arguing. I always seem to be figuring something out in my head like one of those crime shows but i often can't find who done it. I'm always solving some mystery or another. And half of me reaches a different conclusion then the other half and then the two halves commence to argue about who is right. If my head were to be filmed it would be one of those sitcoms where the characters always get in heated arguments before brawling which is funny until you realize tis kinda sad. My mind is rarely at peace with itself but somehow we get along. Why am i bringing this up? I don't know. Yes i do. Well i may. I know exactly why? Well even if i did i'm not telling anyone. But i should. No, that would be stupid since there is nothing to tell. Yes there is, don't lie. I'm not lying! Whatever.

See what i mean. Well i guess it doesn't matter since you probably won't see this for a while since i don't post very often. Oh well. Not oh well, tell someone! I'll let them find it. Your just gonna sit back and...

Huh?

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z.In less than a minute after you read this, copy and paste it into your own blog post. Do not add or subtract anything from the post.

I have such a weak will.

Well I'm back...again

so its official that i am no good at being consistant at posting on here so i have discovered an incentive that may help me be more frequent.
I am going to begin posting on literary scetch pad again. Now it may not concern the tale of Aiden and Lydia partly because i am not sure what will happen to them either.
But i feel it will be helpful for me to use this creative outlet. Not to mention that i feel that i express myself so much better through fiction, but maybe that is just cowardice, so anyway be on the lookout for updates on Literary sketch pad coming soon.

Also for dulce...i am seriously considering getting a facebook in order to continue communication of course i can almost bet you that it will end up like blogger but whatever works.

Well now that marching season is over i may have slightly more time to post but then again i may just be being overly optimistic.

I admire all of you that have been diligent in posting, you have something that i certainly don't

So to respond to an unofficial blog challenge...

Jennifer:
I love arguing with you about stuff neither of us care about. We are such opposites but it is your spontanaity that really keeps the conversations going.

Bryan:
Dude, you may not want to here this but i think girls are slowly screwing over your life man (excluding the just friends ones). Try being single, it has its advantages. It just seems you are working yourself to death trying to keep relationships going and you just end up more frustrated.

Kim:
I feel as though we have somehow grown closer over the course of this year which is a good thing. Communication has gotten a little better. People keep telling me i have tape on my hoodie in the shape of a "K". it makes me smile.

Dulce:
You are still in my thoughts and prayers and hopefully we will find a better form of communication soon.

Kim - From Underneath by Hawk Nelson

From Underneath I wanted youTo see the first thing that I ever poured my heart intoYou'll never know the pain that I've been throughI'm not so sure you'll ever knowAnd so I'll make you understand the words that built my lifeWere not from you, but from my father's hand

Do you remember that cold day in DecemberLeaving everything you knew behindI may never know how it feels to stand beside you(Or take your hand) when I need some directionAnd I may never know what it's like to see you smiling (Back at me) or know you'd be proud of me

From underneath I promise to erase the pastAnd let my heart forgive the former you Replace the dark of old and start brand newI never thought I'd see the dayI walk toward the end of life and turn the other wayI'm reaching out to take my Father's hand

Do you remember that cold day in DecemberLeaving everything you knew behindI may never know how it feels to stand beside youOr take your hand when I need some directionAnd I may never know what it's like to see you smiling(Back at me) or know you'd be proud of me

Dulce - The Last Night by Skillet

You come to me with scars on your wrist You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this I just came to say goodbye I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine But I know it's a lie

[Chorus:]This is the last night you'll spend alone Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everywhere you want me to be The last night you'll spend alone I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go I'm everything You need me to be

Your parents say everything is your fault But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all I'm so sick of when they say It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine But I know it's a lie

[Chorus:]This is the last night you'll spend alone Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everywhere you want me to be The last night you'll spend alone I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go I'm everything You need me to be The last night away from me

[Bridge:]The night is so long when everything's wrong If you give me your hand I will help you hold on Tonight Tonight

[Chorus:]This is the last night you'll spend alone Look me in the eyes so I know you know I'm everywhere you want me to be The last night you'll spend alone I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go I'm everything You need me to be

[Altro:]I won't let you say goodbye And I'll be your reason why The last night away from me Away from me

Communication

Communication is a funny thing.

It is the one thing that is most necessary for relationships yet the one thing that people fear most.

Why do they fear it do you ask?

Because communication reveals information. Information becomes knowledge. Knowledge is power, and power in others hands leads to vulnerability.

People don't want to feel vulnerable, they don't want people to know what they keep locked in their mental and emotional closets, no matter how much the other person may truly care.

In a way it is a pride issue. We feel that our privacy is more important than the relationship.

Of course I am a repeated offender of this. I have found that telling people things about me is one of the hardest things for me to do. I fear vulnerability, exposure, to be laid bare to where someone can see me, can see me in my entirety, the good and the bad.

but sometimes that is what i need to do. Sometimes vulnerability is a good thing. It builds trust. so i need to start trusting people more. Because if i can't trust others than how can i expect them to trust me?

Without trust we get stuck in a vicious spiral that goes nowhere. And it all starts with communication...

Sixteen

Well today is the day.

Today is the day that i turn sixteen. The age of potential. The age of exploration. The age of discovery. The age of Opportunity.

Many adventure novels begin with a sixteen year old boy as the hero, which is cool to me because i always looked up to those guys as being old but now that i am sixteen i see how young they really were. How scared they must have felt facing the world so young.

yet that is where i find myself. I face the world young, inexperienced, and naive. Yet i move on knowing where i have come from, and who stands with me.

So the adventure begins. It will be fun, exciting, and challenging. I know i'll screw up along the way at some point yet the true test of a hero is their ability to get up and keep going.

Today is the day...

Missed Me?

Well i'm back again.
I hope you are all doing well. For our friend across the pond, i hope you have figured out the schooling situation. I'll be praying for you. and for those that are here, good to see you in this virtual atmosphere.

Plano Drumline Contest was a bummer. We didn't win anything. We need to kick it in gear and get better since October is filled with band contests.

the play is going well. i love my character and david ashmore and i are so alike it is scary! jennifer knows what i am talking about. i still have to get my lines memorized for tomorrow.

School has been okay. Wascom hasn't lost her touch. I still think theatre is my favorite class. I wonder when we will start doing the make up section?

My life is busy but i am still there for you guys.

Well i'll get started on the song challenge when i get a chance.

I'm Still Alive

It's been super long since i've posted anything, but as always i have an excuse.
I've been crazy busy at school. Band and theatre combined equals no time to breathe.

But enough about my problems.

My percussion teacher's niece just had heart transplant surgery today and as far as i know everything is going good. She has been waiting for a heart for a long time so this was a huge answer to prayer. just keep her in your prayers for a while as she recovers from surgery.

I feel triumphant because i hooked a certain someone to a certain artist. your welcome.

And by the way she is such an ISFP.

And Dulce, i hope your problems clear up soon. I'll be praying for you.

Well, later peeps.

New Year and New Theme

If you haven't noticed i have changed the blog. I just felt like a change.

This year has been good so far.

I already am tired of Math, i didn't enjoy algebra 1 so i don't know why i thought that i would like algebra 2. Of course having all my friends in the class makes it much more enjoyable.

My favorite class by far is theatre 2.

This year is looking good so far.

So it Begins

Tomorrow is the first day of Sophmore year.

Luckily i have finished my summer homework today.

I am looking forward to this year and also dreading it. both have various reasons.

The deep breathe before the plunge.

Here we go guys, lets do this thing.

The End and The Beginning

Dulce is gone. To be honest, i don't know if this fact has truly sunk in yet but it is no longer disputable. She has left and now we are left here.

We however have one last link to her, the internet.

This lifeline is how we can help her. She may be gone but she still needs her friends during this time of transition. We can post on blogger, we can keep up with her on facebook, we cannot leave her out in the cold. I have decided to be a regular updater in order to keep Dulce apprised of current events and to council and comfort her even though she is far away. I ask that we all hold each other accountable to this goal, so that Dulce is not abandoned in her time of need.

Also we all need to keep her in our prayers. Pray that things go well and the transition goes smoothly. Pray for her family, pray for her siblings. Dulce is a tough cookie but her little brothers and sisters are gonna have a hard time adjusting. Prayer has more power than we give it credit for.

On the other hand, now is a time for new beginning. The group is now a ew entity, for we have lost a key core member. The bonds that hold it together will be tested but we can get through this.

A new school year is about to begin.
-new friends
-new opportunities
-new challenges

This is a transition but the thing about transitions is to keep on going but not forget where you came from.

Hello Everyone

Summer has been busy but fun.

I haven't really seen any of you very much, except Dulce once.

This means i really hope thursday works out.

I hope we can all catch up.

Welcome back to the US of A Jennifer!

I have band.

And wascom homework.

This will be an interesting month.

Sorry about the party

I am sorry that i could not go to Chris's party today. I had stuff to do all morning and i wanted to get some percussion practice in today before my practice on tuesday with the rest of the snare line.

to be honest i do not believe i mentioned the party to my parents. i am having a slightly difficult time getting to go to Jennifer's on Wednesday and i learned today that i have several other things to do that day. so i figured i would save some leverage for Wednesday when the whole gang can be there. once again sorry Chris.

right now it looks like i may be able to go on wednesday but i will continue to solidify the deal

Summer

Well, school is out and summer is upon us once again. This year summer seems so busy for me. I have church camp, drumline camp, band camp, a trip to Minnesota for my cousin's wedding, i have a couple practices for snare line to make sure i am prepared for, and i also have wascom homework on the greeks.

So far things are seeming like they will be too restful.

Of course i thrive on structure. I seem to do better when i have a schedule and a list of things to do, and deadlines and all that stuff. When i have free time, i just do not want to do anything so nothing ever gets done. so in a way this may be a good thing.

Right now i am trying to go to the group get together on wednesday, Saturday is pretty much out (sorry Chris) but i am trying to get my parents to let me go on wednesday, but this will not be easy because that is the last day before we go on our trip.

so much to do, but it is summer so that makes everything better.

I am Such a Pansy

One of the things i find so odd about myself is i cannot make myself stand up to even my friends. one of my friends was doing something that for them was perfectly fine, but i had decided i was not going to participate in that activity any longer, but then he offers and i accept without even the slightest resistance.

I am such a pansy.

Why can i not stand up to even my friends because of my moral standards, they should be the easiest to talk to. and if i cannot stand up to them who can i stand up to?

man i am such a pansy.

First Blogger Challenge Finished

This is the last entry for my first blogger challenge:

Kim,
oh...where to begin. You are one of the strongest people I know. Not just physically (even though you could snap me lie a twig) but emotionally as well. You are always willing to help out other people even when you have stuff to handle yourself. You make the most of every moment and always encourage me to be my very best. You care deeply about your friends. You long for them to be happy and are heartbroken whenever you see them hurting. You find the best in everyone but are not afraid to help them see what they are doing wrong.
Of all my friends you seem to be the most complex. It seems every time i learn something about you for every question i answer the answer raises three more questions.
You are full of life and vitality and friendship and love and character and curiosity and so many other things.
Despite all this you are humble and are constantly challenging yourself to be a better person and for that i admire you.
i care for you sometimes more than i think.

Kyle

When has Kim been there for you?

Dulce

Now it's your turn. You are probably the one friend i can count on to be totally honest with me at all times. Not only about me but about yourself. I know you don't tell me everything, that's okay because i don't tell you everything either. But on the whole you are very open. YOu have very polar moods. Not bi polar but a wide range of mood i mean. Some days you can be all gloom and it makes me think and question. Other days you are happy and dare i say it "peppy" and you make me laugh. I find it hard to not join in with your antics. You have a way of getting past my armor ans shields and forcefields and well you get the picture and help the real me to come out. For that i thank you. You have probably affected me the most in how i view the world around me and my beliefs about everything. You ahve taught me to think and discover for myself. Not just believe it because other people say so but to question it and only believe it if i find it true. You have me to stop getting spoon fed by other people and become more of an individual. Not only do you do all of this just cause i am your friend. You show time and again that you really care. that you care if i have a good day or not. Not like other people who ask just to make conversation, you really care. that has made me be honest when i say "good" or "okay" or "nyeh". Tht means a lot to me. And despite my best efforts of caution i have come to care for you more than i anticipated. I am still learning how to show you how much i care but for me stuff like that is hard. well, enough mush. I think your great. I hope the years to come are filled with more time with Dulce.

NOTE: Don't worry your hair looks great, it always does.

Name a time when Dulce really showed her care for you.

Random

Here are five things about me:

1. I have decided to not date until college and not to kiss until my wedding...No its not lame at all.

2. I never want to be very tall.

3. I hate it when my room is dirty but i find it hard to motivate myself to clean it.

4. Having a conversation on the phone with anyne is extremely difficult.

5. I am a pushover.

P.S. I will finish the blogger's challenge i just need time to collect my thoughts.

Copy Pasta

Copy Pasta

1.WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?Don’t think so.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?When I had to tell my mom that I led to her (don’t laugh.)

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?No, it is super messy

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?roast beef…mmmm

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?No but I figure I will eventually.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?no. I would find myself very bossy and weird

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?sometimes

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?no.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?I would but they would have to push me.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?cinnamon toasters

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR
SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?almost never

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?rainbow sherbet

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?their face

15. RED OR PINK?red

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?I can never stay with something.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My friend who now lives in Nicaragua and is a great break dancer

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?Yeah, If I have no one has an excuse.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?blue jeans and black tennis shoes

~HEY NUMBER 20 IS MISSING!!!~

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?Wait - Lecrae

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?tundra gray (I think that is one)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?cedar on a cold day or barbecue

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?Steven

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?umm….she didn’t exactly send it to me.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?basketball

27.HAIR COLOR?dark brown

28. EYE COLOR?depends usually green or sometimes bluish

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?no

30. FAVORITE FOOD?Italian

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?No scary movies, I can’t sleep but happy endings are only good if the movie is scary

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?Madagascar 2

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?black

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?Summer.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?depends. I am not really a hugger and I’ve never kissed anyone before

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?Bryan

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?Dulce

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?24 girls in 7 days

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?Soccer City

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?we surfed through on demand last night and did not pick anything but we saw some bill cosby in between searches

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S).a sword coming out of its sheath

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES.Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?Boston, Massachusetts

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?acting, thinking creatively, climbing trees

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?dominic’s

Jennifer

Now it is your turn. You are probably. No, most definately the most outspoken member of the whole group. You speak what you think and darn anybody you thinks otherwise. You do things your way even if other people think it is strange (like eating a pizza layer by layer). Despite your strong front, you are a very caring person. You look out for your friends and only want the best for them. You stick by them and give them advice, even when they don't want it, yet they can't refuse it for it was sent with love and they know its true.
You think about things in creative ways. You delve deep into issues that others would leave well alone. On the other hand you are not wary of discussing rediculous things. You are always willing to talk about anything. You always make conversations more interesting.
You are an intrical part of our group and we all appreciate everything you say and do. This just wouldn't be the same group without you. We all look forward to the years ahead and all the times we will spend together.

Name one time Jennifer gave you adviec that you found hard to take but knew it was true.

Toni

You are a very strong individual. You speak what you think but you are mindful of those around you and always try to look out for other's feelings. You have a deep love for people and you try to be friends with everyone. I do not see you very often anymore but you still manage to communicate with me and the rest of the crew. Perhaps your only flaw is that you are too nice. You try to be every one's friend and in the end someone end's up hurting you. Being friendly is never a bad thing but you need to make sure you protect yourself. I don't want to see you hurt. I hope in the future we will be able to see each other more often. You are one of the original group members and you are here to stay.

What is one thing that Toni has done that made you smile?

New Material

I have a new blog! Check it out!

Brian White

Brian,
You are so cool! You are wicked good on the guitar, you rock on DDR and lots of other games. You have a spontaneous sense of humor, but never forget the old inside jokes. You always find a way to make me forget all the junk that happened during the day and just allow myself to let loose and have fun. Beyond being funny, you are a loyal friend and you have proved it to several of us on several occasions. You are always in-tune with others emotions and seem to always know what to say and what not to. I admire your ability to comfort people and your knack for cheering them up. These past few years have been so much more enjoyable with you around.
Thanks.

What is the nicest thing Brian has done for you?

Blogger Challenge

I know you all have been anxious to see me complete the blogger challenge well here is how i will do it. I will take one day (or maybe two) to do each individual person. It may take more time but it will hopefully be more thorough. As you all know i am not one to talk about this kind of stuff, so we will see how this turns out.

And so without further ado:

The Blogger's Challenge

I will begin with Dominic (i hope i spelled that right!)

Dominic,

I have not known you very long, and i admit that i do not know you very well. You are by far one of the most outgoing people in our group. You speak your mind and are not afraid of what others may think. I like that about you. You make us all smile, especially during lunch. I think onee of the funnest times i had with you was sitting at the indian table with you. I felt so out of place, i guess that is how you felt when you came to our little group but somehow you just fit right in and joined the fun. No conversation is dull with you around, especially when you are steering it. I think that you are here to stay. Even though you were not part of the original group or even the Kimbrough clic, i think we all think of you as "one of us" and look forward to the many laughs ahead.

What is the funniest thing that Dominic has said or done?

Converstions That Are Not

This is so cool, i am so pumped that you guys are being so good with the comments. This is really a neat little thing we got going.

It's odd. I am not very talkative at school as you guys have noticed, but this whole blog thing really helps me to let loose and just talk. I hope you guys feel the same. This helps me talk about stuff that would be hard for me to talk about in person, but somehow it is easier to say on the digital page. So let us begin.

What would you find weird to say in person but find easier to say online? Come on. Be honest. I'll start. I always feel dorky around Kim, naive around Dulce, clever but slightly odd around Jennifer, and yet around Brian I feel completely at ease. Why this is, i do not know but it happens. Maybe i just have a girl deficiency.

Breaking Caleb

This is my TAKS essay, but it felt good to get this off my chest, so i decided to share.


When things get rough in gym, people get hurt, maybe not in a physical sense but more in an emotional sense. Emotional wounds cut deep into humans for we are naturally social creatures. We enjoy the company others so much it is close to a necessity for our sanity. We yearn for acceptance and friendship. If that need is rejected by people around us we are left broken. This is not truer with anyone but Caleb.
Caleb was a boy I knew in my P.E. class in seventh grade. The poor kid got the short stick when it comes to the popular view of good looks. He had brown curly hair, wide circular eyes, teeth that poked out of his mouth even when it was closed. He was obese, had a bad back causing him to lean forward, and that gave him a sort of stomping waddle when he walked. That already gave the other guys plenty of opportunities to pick on him. They slipped quick insults at him as they left the locker room. They laughed when he messed up in games. Then he fell asleep in class and everyone had a field day. However, none of that compared to his fierce temper. For the first couple of weeks he blew off the harsh remarks and cruel giggles. But after a while, he started glaring at his attackers which only gave them more ammunition for torture. They would contort their faces and stare back in mockery. Then he started yelling. This only caused them to laugh even harder.
One day it came to a climax. We were playing soccer in the gym. Every time Caleb got the ball, someone would take it, giving his team mates an excuse to ridicule his lack of skill. Soon the other team began to mess with him. One boy would distract him while the other poked his back or head. Soon soccer turned into a game of “see how mad we can make Caleb”. Well, Caleb had had enough. He charged at his aggressors in blind rage. They easily evaded his feeble attempts, and laughed with glee at this new game. Caleb stopped and let out a scream of fury. It resembled the roar of a wounded beast mixed with the wail of a frightened child. There he stood, bawling, staring at the crowd of boys who could not stop laughing hysterically.
Those boys could not see past his outer appearance. They could not see that inside their play toy was a guy just like them, wanting desperately to be accepted. He just wanted to be treated like a human being. Instead, he was beaten down with every cruel word, every look of disgust, and every back that turned to not be included in the torture but was every bit a part of it because they were deaf to his cries for help, for mercy. I was one of them.
I have talked to several people that have seen Caleb since that year. They say no matter how hard they try, and no matter how nice they are; Caleb is mean to them. He shouts and complains to even the kindest words. He has been ruined and embittered by the people who did not accept him. When people seek friendship and acceptance for they are, to scorn them is to scar their soul. People do not have to be friends with everyone, but they must respect everyone. Because if I learned one thing during my time with Caleb it is this: hearts and toys have two things in common. Both were made to be loved and accepted, and both are quite easily broken.

I feel bad for what i did, and i only hope "Caleb" is happy where ever he is.

Have you ever experienced anything like this?

Hey Guys

I am super pumped that i have a blog and you people can see it. You were very prompt to view it. Awesome. I am really crazy right now, since i have posted three times today.
That's enough, i'm done.

Am I being too much of a kid on a sugar rush right now?

Finally Time

Now that the musical is over, i finally have time to blog. I know you guys have been going for a while now but i am now ready to jump in and join. I am going to need everyone's email address in order to let you view my blog as i will soon empliment a block so only invited readers may view it.

Now i will ask a question.

Why do you blog?

Greetings Readers:
This is my private Blog. I am in the process of adding a block but in the mean time i will post.
The purpose of this blog is to express myself and get feedback. In that spirit at the end of every post i will attempt to pose a question to you readers and it is your responsiblity to reply to the question, preferably by way of a comment. this may help to stimulate group discussion.
Alright let's begin.